REBOOT TIME SUCKAS!

Well, well, well.  It seems as if another year has started in the labor camp we call school, yet life goes on.  Now on to the true reason why you people are on this site; you love my rants.  The smearworthy topic of the day is, drumroll please, people who pick on nerds.  Now by nerd I do not mean a smart person, I mean a full on D&D playing, costume wearing, star trek watching nerd...you know....people like me.  Go ahead you numbskull cro magnons, have your laugh, but be warned! It is just a matter of time before we go Street Fighter Guile on your butt.  Thank you and remember,  SHORYUKEN!

Python, apocolypse, and irate pirates

My past few days have been filled with nothing more than Borderlands, Community, and Pinkeye.  Pinkeye is not code for anything except extreme freaking pain in my eyeholes. So I am running around shooting things in the post apocolyptic wasteland while squinting and yelling like an angry teenage pirate who actually keeps up with his hygiene.  Man I love summer.  Now to answer some questions that random people have asked me while I was playing "make them move" in public places.  "Are you insane?"  No, I only do what the demon cucumbers in my brain tell me to do.  "Do you want me to hit you?"  No but feel free to hit yourself you freakish gorilla of a man.  And lastly "Can I have your number?" No but thank you for asking semi-attractive nerdy looking 16-18 year old female.  And now for something completely different.

Unicorns, sombreros and late night conversations

It is because of a good friend of mine that i come to you to tell you tales of unicorns and such wonderful things.  What happened to the narwhal to make him look at a horse as a viable mate... IT MAKES LESS SENSE THAN DREAMWORKS BEATING A SERIES THAT WAS, AT BEST, OK LIKE A DECEASED EQUESTRIAN!!  Well and thus the mystical unicorn was created.  And once more I love my little pony: Friendship is magic, however all of their unicorns suck.  I am more of a pinkie-pie man myself, but I digress!  Oh I almost forgot.  Sombreros.  Goodwhenever you read this my fellow interneteers.  Now enjoy this picture.

Lovecraft, bedtimes, and the talking heads.

You know that time of night/morning where you get the most amazing ideas ever.  Well as I type I am thinking of how amazing H.P. Lovecraft and Nikola Tesla would be at killing monsters together.  Then i realized that normal people do not think of things like that.  Then i said to myself, "normal people do not know who H.P. Lovecraft or Nikola Tesla are." then i told myself "This is not my beautiful house." then i told myself this is not my beautiful wife."  Yeah... that just turned into a talking heads song.  I must thank my father for driving that into my skull as a child.  Well whatever and good morning i am being told to go to bed.  Have a wonderful something or other now good bye.

Welcome back

Hello friends and other people who may have just stumbled upon this little slice of fried gold i like to call my blog.  I am sorry for not posting in a while and have but one question.  Did ya miss me?  Now i call forth the only slightly not good demons of cynicism and wit to tell you the tale of thing that fall under the topic of "What i really wanted to say was...." Oh you know those moments.  Such as when you do something really well and some person who wants to flex their "I want to feel like I am better than you at everything ever." muscle comes up and says "Hey I thought you were good, I am sure you will do better next time."  and you say "Well thank you." but you really want to say something like "Don't patronize me you nincompoop, I rocked that, now leave before I defenestrate you!"  but you don't because that would be rude and only slightly illegal.  Or whenever you say "I just started reading (insert name of book here), it is pretty good so far."  and the returning moron says "Oh have you gotten to (awesome plot twist that I am pretty sure they know i have not gotten to yet)?"  and you respond with "Oh no I have not yet, I will be on the lookout for that."  when all you really want to say is "There is a special ring in whichever penal afterlife land of your choosing for people who ruin books such as yourself, please enjoy having your teeth chipped away by little faerie people who feed on happiness and replace what they take with dog farts, stale cheese balls and sadness, for all eternity."  Thank you for reading and to one and all please count the shadows.

Friendship, feelings, and other mush

By reading thus far you would figure me to be a harsh man, a stern man, one that does not get frightened by goats.  I am here to report that you are indeed very wrong.  Not only do I have nightmares about those evil rectangular eyes but i also count my friends among my greatest treasures.  My two greatest are my friends Hannah And Zoe.  Without these two angels I would not be the person i am today.  Whenever I have a problem with anything I turn to these two intelligent, funny and beautiful ladies.  Now on to my regular bashing of topics I can't stand.  OVERLY AFFECTIONATE COUPLES.  You know who I am talking about.  And if you are part of one you probably don't know you even do it.  I am talking about the "No, I love you more!"  people.  The thing about those is that you will either marry each other and live happily ever after, or realize there is absolutely no substance to your relationship and slowly drift apart into sadness and eventually a mutual break up.  Now i do believe that there are exceptions to my rule.  I have the honor of knowing one of these exceptions.  On a different note, I hate valentines day.  Too much happiness.  Nobody should ever be so happy to get a card with teddy bear on it with the phrase "I love you BEARY much!"  The sappiness makes me sick.  Thank you for reading now here is a picture of a paranoid rabbit.

thu'ums, battle tops, and bench pressing five year olds

So this Christmas i sold my soul to the gods of time wasting, who knew they fed on social lives?  That is right, i got skyrim.  Within the first few minutes of my purchase I was toting it around gamestop as a olympic athlete would a gold medal.  In that very moment i swear i heard a glorious fanfare of beautiful warm trumpets sounding but of course it was just some man outside honking at a hobo eating a sandwich in the middle of the road.  So of course i had just enough time to become completely addicted to the game before being rushed off to virginia to visit my wondrous little cousins.  So after that never-ending road trip with my lovely little sister and two (I will say it, extremely odd) parents, we finally arrived.  One of the highlights of this visit was that i rekindled my love for beyblades.  Now as a whelp there was an american made anime about these kids who possessed battle tops by the name of beyblades.  The greatest thing about them is that you could switch out parts on them, kinda like the nerdy kids tech deck.  Anyway since then they have released a series of beyblades with a metal ring in them so they hit harder or hurt the person you are launching them at.  So different subject entirely during these couple of days i was shot with a slingshot, bitten, wacked in the head with a lightsaber, and rammed in the foot by a rogue beyblade.  Overrall a good weekend.  Oh and one of the easiest way to make a 5 year old revere you at almost the same level as a deity is to bench-press them.  I did 30 reps of small child.  Thank you to everybody who made my holidays wonderful, and goodnight.